Newest Addiction Specialist

I may be the new kid on the block when it comes to understanding the addict, assuming a non-enabling posture in a nurturing and loving way but with strict parameters, and losing the co-dependence to a large extent, but I definitely have arrived. I now speak the language of the addiction counselor, have a deeper understanding of the recovery process, and have learned new communication and listening skills.  I feel, at least to some extent, that I can step outside myself, put on the counselor’s hat, and take a look at Alison and our family in a new perspective, and in doing so understand many of the errors of my ways and also that self-correction (preceded by self-awareness) is an ongoing work in progress.

Having said all that, my daughter has moved to “the condo” with a younger crowd- more her peer group, and also has a new house manager, Ms S, who I spoke with for the first time yesterday. She, obviously not knowing me or my history at all, suggested Al Anon meetings and a sponsor, yes, a sponsor for me!!! But I do not wish to immerse myself into the ‘wounded family’ recovery culture/lifestyle from which I have arisen. It is contrary to my commitment to remaining non co-dependent. (You can’t have it both ways!). Meetings are not for me, as I see them as merely pity parties designed to make you feel good about not being the only… Been there- done that.

I found it interesting that Ms. S described herself as having been sober for 6 years but never mentioned the word recovery. It may mean something- it may mean nothing. She invited me to family therapy which I guess is a supervised talk with my daughter. I can’t honestly think of anything I’d like to say in therapy that I could not or have not already said. I have always contended that when my daughter achieves better balance in mind, body, and soul, our relationship will automatically balance as well- I am her original best friend and we share what others may not recognize, and most of this relationship stuff is a smoke screen for the real work she has ahead. I will be using my new found communication skills and concentrate on these points;

  • staying in the moment
  • stick to feelings
  • stick to behaviors
  • leave the past alone- can’t turn back time


1 Comment

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  1. myfamiliesjourney
    Apr 09, 2012 @ 18:05:19

    Unconditional love and support, that is what we all strive for on our journeys to recovery with our loved ones. Well put, I too wish to be co-dependent, non-enabling no more, as well.